We are just a few hours away from the most exciting hour of wrestling in the year, the 2013 Royal Rumble match. While there will no doubt be some great moments, nifty eliminations and even a surprise entrant (or a few) one guy who will probably not appear is recent WWE hire El Generico.
Now, I know what your saying, “You idiot, of course he’s not going to appear. He’s going to get sent to developmental and then probably show up months later unmasked with a name like Sean Rami. Why did you make such a pointless statement?” Well, you’ve got some nerve mister.
Unfortunately, yes there is about a 0 percent chance that El Genrico will pop up in tonight’s match. Despite the above ISW match showing that he is capable of some incredible moves and believably selling a hurricanrana and chopfest from a much smaller opponent like Twiggy he will probably be sent to developmental. If he appears in a Rumble match then the earliest it will be is the 2014 Royal Rumble. This is a real shame because WWE hasn’t taken chances like putting a guy like El Generico in the Rumble since they were the WWF.
Sure, chances don’t always pay off. Like at the 1996 Royal Rumble when The Headhunters showed up out of nowhere and didn’t appear in the WWF again until 1997. Yet, sometimes chances can make a difference. Diesel had a failing gimmick before going into the 1994 Royal Rumble and tearing the scene up. Of course in that case the WWF got carried away and we got 1995: The Year WWF Ran on Diesel Power Because They Had No Money to Run on.
As ridiculous as it may sound WWE throwing El Generico into this year’s Rumble would make some positive impression no matter what. I suggest having him come out in his regular El Generico gimmick and own the ring when it is filled with curtain jerkers before eliminating himself Randy Savage style. That way audiences get a taste of the lovable goofball that is El Generico while at the same time getting the idea that he can be an aggressive competitor. Smarks would love it and the casual fan would be left asking, “Who was that masked man?”
At the very least we would get a Headhunter moment that could be brought up 17 years later as an excuse to put some other indie guy in the Rumble.
Interviewer’s Note: Until earlier this year Giant Tiger was a cornerstone of Inter Species Wrestling (ISW). Founded in 2005 the company has run shows out of Montreal, Quebec in Canada and Danbury, Connecticut in the United States with Giant Tiger taking part in all sorts of mischief along the way. Such mischief has included heading his own stable known as The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. With this group watching his back Giant Tiger captured the ISW Championship from Player Uno and held it for an extraordinary amount of time especially by today’s standards. He can be followed on Twitter @giant_tiger In this interview Tiger and I focus on the topic of being the face of a company.
Daniel Johnson: My first question is for those who are unfamiliar with you how would you describe yourself as a performer? Giant Tiger: Performer? Well, I guess you can say I’m a wrestler who doesn’t wrestle. I’m loud, vulgar, offensive and racist at times. I think people like that.
Daniel Johnson: Who would you say are your top three wrestling influences and your top three comedy influences? Giant Tiger: Wrestling would definitely be Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, and “Macho Man” Randy Savage.Funny enough I don’t watch that much comedy. I don’t like comedians. They always try to be funny even when they’re not. It’s like a porn star always talking about fucking. We get what you do.
Daniel Johnson: How did ISW first come together and how did you get to be a part of it? Giant Tiger: ISW started on MSN Messenger I believe with Mike Rotch and this babe named Val. Both of them knew me and Twiggy very well and contacted us to help them put on their first show. So we contacted a guy that we worked for about using his venue and ring.
Daniel Johnson: What is the back story behind you first becoming the ISW Champion? Giant Tiger: Well, I became champion after Uno and El Generico. I came out after their match and pinned Uno after he accepted my challenge. After I won I got in my underwear and jerked off in the ring. I literally jerked off. I think that’s why I became champ. Because I did stuff like that.
Daniel Johnson: I believe you had the title for 819 days? Is that correct? If not then please correct me. Anyway, what is it like to have a title run in this day and age that is that long regardless of what kind of promotion it is? Giant Tiger: It was cool! I had that belt for a long time and didn’t really defend it that much. I’ve missed a few ISW shows in my day, but the ones I’ve done I like to think I made count.
Daniel Johnson: I recently interviewed Twiggy who described you as “the poster boy of Inter Species Wrestling.” Do you feel this is an accurate description? Why or why not? Giant Tiger: Well I do, but not entirely. I think ISW became popular in my opinion because it was different and they were doing crazy things. Five years ago the only thing in ISW that was wild was my feud with Beef Wellington. So yeah I think I was a major part in making ISW what it is. Just like ISW made me who I am in some ways.
Daniel Johnson: Oddly enough as the face of a company you wear a mask. How did you first become Giant Tiger and put on your mask? Giant Tiger: Well, I was wrestling for a spot show in Chateauguay. It was going to feature a first ever match from this new fed called ISW. Giant Tiger was wrestling Spliff Jones. Rotch gave me the mask in the parking lot before the show. The character Giant Tiger developed through years of drug abuse.
Daniel Johnson: So were you a fan of Tiger Mask beforehand or is it just by chance that you got that mask? Giant Tiger: I had no idea who he was. I just got the mask.
Daniel Johnson: What pressure is there in being viewed as the poster boy of a promotion? Giant Tiger: Honestly, not that much. I haven’t done a couple shows now and I’m taking a bit of a break from ISW. Focusing on my stuff and myself here in Montreal. When I was there full time it wasn’t bad. It motivated me to work harder.
Daniel Johnson: Who were some wrestlers that you had matches with that helped establish you as a top guy in the company early on? Giant Tiger: Honestly, I owe everything I know as Giant Tiger to Beef and Twiggy.
Daniel Johnson: What matches have you had overall that you are most proud of? Giant Tiger: Me vs. Steven “The Turtle” Weiner in Connecticut, me vs. Twiggy in Connecticut and all my matches with Beef in Montreal.
Daniel Johnson: Top performers of companies are sometimes expected to carry themselves a certain way and be an example to the locker room. Did you try to act as an example to the locker room? If so how? If not then why not? Giant Tiger: No, I keep to myself. I show up with my mask on and leave with my mask on. I don’t want people talking to me. I kind of act like a kid backstage, showing everybody my dick.
Daniel Johnson: If you could have wrestled against the face of any other company in any other time who would it be? Giant Tiger: Oh man I don’t know. That’s tough, but the only guy I really want to wrestle is Pasquale The Italian Chef from ISW.
Daniel Johnson: Cool, would you describe the experience of working as the face of ISW as being a big fish in a small pond? If so why do you feel this way? If not then why not? Giant Tiger: No, not at all. I didn’t think I was bigger than anybody really. Some people might tell you otherwise, but I thought I was just a regular guy that people wanted to hang out with more than other wrestlers because I would talk about snorting Ketamine with hookers.
Daniel Johnson: How has 2012 been a different year from 2011 for you? Giant Tiger: I stopped wrestling in ISW in 2012. I got back into being sober after a relapse.
Daniel Johnson: What plans do you have for 2013? What involvement will you have with ISW, if any? Giant Tiger: Nothing right now. I’m just focusing on Montreal right now.
Daniel Johnson: Getting back to your work for ISW how did The League of Extraordinary Gentleman come about? Giant Tiger: It started with me doing promos saying how I had this new group. Adding small people to it. Then backstage at an ISW show me and Eddie Kingston really got along and I asked him if he wanted to party with me and he said yes. Sexxy Eddy joined after we have an alcobrawl and I asked him while we were both wasted.
Daniel Johnson: Do you think leading a stable helped to further the view of Giant Tiger as the face of the company? Why or why not? Giant Tiger: Yeah, I definitely think so. I mean like I said I don’t know if I was the face of the company more than Bamboo. I just talk a lot so people liked that. It helped me be seen more because suddenly The League became the new funny thing to talk about. I made out with a chick in the ring and then in the bathroom during an in-ring promo once and people kept yelling “The League” at me. It was great.
Daniel Johnson: What stables influenced The League of Extraordinary Gentleman? Giant Tiger: Zero. Honestly nothing at all. We wanted to be loud and call people cunts. I wanted to ride girls faces in the ring. I wanted to be drunk for my matches.
Daniel Johnson: Are you a fan of wrestling stables in general? If so then for your money what is the best stable out there today? Giant Tiger: I’m really not actually. I loved the Latino World Order (LWO) though. They knew how to fuck shit up. I bet they got so much poon.
Daniel Johnson: Switching topics a bit are there any comedy spots that you have performed in matches that you are particularly proud of? Giant Tiger: I don’t really do comedy spots. I just do moves that look bad. That’s my thing. I guess I enjoy my Razor’s edge.
Daniel Johnson: I always like to hear about ribs and road stories. Do you have any that you would be willing to share or that you have yet to mention? Giant Tiger: I’m actually pretty quiet when I’m not doing Giant Tiger. The only story that I remember that was nuts was one time me, Twig, Sexxy Eddy and Shayne Hawke were driving back home from a booking. We stopped to get gas right before the border coming home. Eddy said, “Man imagine if we lit a bag of shit on fire for the bitch at the border.” We all laughed and I took a shit in a paper bag beside the convenient store. We decided it would be great so when we pulled up the guard said, “Do you have your passports?” I handed them the bag because Hawke was driving. He lit it without them seeing. Eddy said, “Our passports are in the bag…holy shit it’s on fire!” Then when they got out of the booth to put it out we drove off.
Daniel Johnson: Nice! Were you worried about the repercussions or anything? Giant Tiger: Nah, not at all.
Daniel Johnson: This next one is a broad question, but what separates ISW from every other company out there, if anything? Giant Tiger: I haven’t been to a couple shows lately, but I’m going to go ahead and say ISW is pretty hip with all the inside jokes. It’s kind of a cool crowd. They just want to party and have a good time.
Daniel Johnson: Speaking of crowds, what is the best crowd and worst crowd (or most quiet crowd) that you have ever worked for as part of ISW. Why do you think each crowd was the the way it was and what did you do to get the best reactions possible from each? Giant Tiger: The best crowd was in Connecticut when I wrestled Turtle. They were having a great time. I could have taken a shit in the ring and they would have loved it. Awesome crowd. The worst would be a show we did in Gatineau years ago. Me/Fred la Merveille vs. Beef/Twig. It was just small and quiet.
Daniel Johnson: Did you manage to get any kind of reaction out of the second crowd or was it just sort of dead? Giant Tiger: Nah, just dead. They didn’t want to party.
Daniel Johnson: Outside of ISW how many other companies have you worked for and which did you most enjoy? Giant Tiger: I worked for like six I think. I most enjoyed C4 Wrestling and definitely BATTLEWAR in Montreal.
Daniel Johnson: Are there any companies that you are disappointed that you did not get the chance to work for? Giant Tiger: I don’t think so. I mean I would love to work everywhere.
Daniel Johnson: As part of my last few questions I like to ask five non-wrestling related questions just to bring a little uniqueness to the interview. If you don’t have an answer or don’t want to answer one of them just feel free to say, “skip.” Outside of wrestling, what television shows do you enjoy watching these days? Giant Tiger: I don’t watch TV.
Daniel Johnson: What was your favorite movie that came out this year? Giant Tiger: Again, I don’t watch new movies. I’m kind of lame with new shit.
Daniel Johnson: That’s alright. What is your favorite food that you tried for the first time this year? Giant Tiger: Cheese in a can.
Daniel Johnson: Really? If so where do you get that? Giant Tiger: I got it from a friend who was in the United States for a bit. It’s real good.
Daniel Johnson: I’ll have to look into that. Anyway, do you have a favorite song to come out this year? Giant Tiger: Yeah, I’m really into Vinnie Paz’s new album.
Daniel Johnson: Cool, any particular song? Giant Tiger: “Cheesesteaks.”
Daniel Johnson: Did you vote in your last local election? If so would you be willing to say for who? Giant Tiger: Not for the Province of Quebec.
Daniel Johnson: Have you purchased anything at the Giant Tiger store lately? Giant Tiger: No?
Daniel Johnson: Hmm, thought you might have heard of them since they’re in Canada. Anyway, what is the weirdest part about being a professional wrestler? Giant Tiger: It is not weird, but just annoying. A lot of wrestlers are real losers. They are like a bunch of high school kids so that’s frustrating.
Daniel Johnson: Is there anything you would like to add or anything that we have yet to go over that you would like to talk about? Giant Tiger: No, I think we covered a lot.
See Giant Tiger win the big one! Here, he attacks Player Uno after Uno had just defended the ISW Championship against El Generico:
It is no secret that the WWF was ailing in the mid 1990s. While the obvious backlash over a certain scandal (I think it involved anabolic asteroids or something) was a major culprit, some of the company’s booking decisions certainly didn’t help. An early example of booking gone wrong in this period was how much Yokozuna was pushed. The guy ended Hulkamania and won the WWF Championship within months of his debut. That’s insane! I remember back in 2009 there was a commotion about Sheamus getting too much, too soon when he beat John Cena for the WWE Championship. Well, if you converted Yoko’s 1993 push to Sheamus’ 2009 surge then not only would he have beat Cena, but he would have retired him then held the title for the better part of a year while destroying Randy Orton, Batista and anyone else who got in his way.
So what if instead of crushing Hulk Hogan and winning the WWF Championship, Yokozuna just feuded with Hogan freeing up the title picture? Well, we still would have gotten at least one racist Hulk Hogan promo (note: I can’t find evidence of this right now so the link leads to something else involving Hogan and Japan), but it could have given a decent push to one of the following.
7. Carlos Colon
If you’re unfamiliar with him then you should know that Carlito’s dad, Carlos was actually a wicked fun worker. He fought in a ton of early hardcore matches and would bleed buckets! As you may recall Carlos was one of those super randoms thrown into the 1993 Royal Rumble. The way I’d do it is that I’d book him to make a surprise appearance at Survivor Series 1992. At that event Bret Hart successfully defended his title against Shawn Michaels before celebrating with Santa Claus. What I’d do differently is have Colon dress up as Santa. Bobby Heenan could even make some wisecracks about how he doesn’t look like the traditional version of Santa when all of a sudden Colon snaps and attacks Bret. Colon could then either be paired with someone as his mouthpiece (Jim Cornette) or go at it as a lone wild man. After having Colon win the Rumble they could then book Bret/Razor to go on last and Colon could attack Bret making him look like even more of a threat. Maybe even give him an alliance with Razor since they have the whole Latin connection going on. WWF could then build up to the event by showing footage of Colon from Puerto Rico. The beauty of all this is that this is the year of Wrestlemania IX. Therefore they could book it to be a cage match and play up how gladiators used to duel it out to the death back in Roman times. At the event Bret could retain after a hard fought match where both guys’ juice. This would have to be a far less family friendly feud than Yoko/Bret, but WWF wanted to go in that direction anyway. Unfortunately, the criticism they got following the asteroid trial made them go the opposite route.
6. Genichiro Tenryu
Speaking of super randoms who appeared in 1993 Royal Rumble, Genichiro Tenryu has to be at or near the top of the list. If you have never heard of this guy then…shame on you! Fans of Japanese wrestling will recall that he is a wrestling legend in that country and arguably the best all around wrestler in Japan of all time. However, the average American fan in 1993 wasn’t terribly aware of who Tenryu was, what he had done and to quote Scott Steiner what he was, “capble of.” As such the best approach for Tenryu would have been to bring him in months prior to the Rumble so fans could get used to him. Originally he was promoted as a face anyway as he and Koji Kitao squashed the heel Demolition at Wrestlemania VII before Tenryu was brought back in two consecutive Rumbles, the second of which he was inexplicably made a heel henchman for Yokozuna. In this alternate booking, Tenryu instead could be brought back with The Great Kabuki by being approached by Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji in a vignette where the two are looking for thugs to help Yoko establish his dominance. Kabuki could take the payoff while Tenryu establishes himself as an honorable wrestler by rejecting it. Tenryu and Kabuki then enter into a feud culminating in a match at the 1993 Royal Rumble. Tenyru not only beats Kabuki, but wins the Royal Rumble after eliminating Savage. Tenryu then grabs an American flag…and spits on it…or at least throws it down. Yokozuna then comes out and banzai drops Savage. Mr. Fuji and Yoko have discarded Kabuki as a loser and managed to ally with Tenryu. Together they will end Hulkamania and capture the WWF Championship, respectively. Admittedly, this booking is pretty flimsy, but doesn’t that Bret/Tenryu match at Wrestlemania just make your mouth water?
5. Ted DiBiase
Ted DiBiase’s career was winding down in 1993. So instead of having him wrestle Razor Ramon in a forgettable match to cap off his career why not give him the Ric Flair treatment by having it end at Wrestlemania (sort of)? The Royal Rumble could play out with Yokozuna looking like a monster and eliminating people left and right. Finally, it comes down to just DiBiase and Yokozuna. The two stare each other down for a moment then Yoko turns around and…jumps right out of the ring (or however he can do to get over the top rope). Yes, it turns out that DiBiase has bought his title shot at Wrestlemania. Still, there is a problem with this idea. DiBiase is a co-holder of the WWF World Tag Team Championship with Irwin R. Schyster at this point. This can be fixed easily enough. DiBiase’s ego is so big that he announces he will be the first ever to successfully win tag team and world title matches at Wrestlemania. Just before the tag title match he could announce that he has paid a replacement to stand in for him…which of course would be Yoko again. This could start the Yoko/Hogan feud since Hogan and Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake challenged for the WWF World Tag Team Championship at that event anyway. Yoko could then be made the permanent tag champ or Money inc. could just be stripped of the belts after the match due to an illegal substitution. Meanwhile, Bret/DiBiase are left to tear it up in the main event and allow DiBiase to retire from in-ring competition.
4. Jerry Lawler
Thus far you probably noticed that I ultimately have Bret retaining at Wrestlemania. Well, that completely changes with Jerry Lawler entering the list. As the booking that actually happened shows as cringe worthy as their feud got at times Bret and Lawler could work well together and the feud to put it simply had legs. In this scenario Lawler could have actually lost the Royal Rumble with Randy Savage eliminating him last to win. The audience could get hyped up for Savage/Hart at Wrestlemania only for Lawler to goad Savage into putting his shot on the line. Savage and Lawler actually have a history together dating back to their Memphis days and Lawler could taunt Savage with old embarrassing footage. What kind of footage? Well, Lawler could probably go beyond the Memphis library with clips like this. Lawler not only cheating Savage out of his shot, but cheating to be the first heel to come out of Wrestlemania with the WWF Championship would make him one of the most hated heels in the history of the company. From there Hart could win the 1993 King of the Ring and go onto feud with Lawler as he did in reality.
3. Mr. Perfect
I hate to sound like I’m using too much hyperbole in one list, but Hart/Hennig had arguably the best chemistry of any two wrestlers…well, ever really. The match resulting from these two locking up at Wrestlemania would be a classic even if the storyline revolved around one eating the other’s lunch. Still, let me try some more armchair booking. Perfect was just establishing himself as a fan favorite in early 1993, but come on lets face it. This guy was born to be a heel. So how about this, Perfect wins the Royal Rumble, but gets goaded into putting it on the line in a match with Ric Flair on WWF Monday Night Raw. If Flair wins then he gets Perfect’s title shot, but if he loses he is gone for good. Perfect beats Flair in a legendary match just like the one that actually happened. Winning the Rumble and running Ric Flair out of town gives Curt Hennig a tremendously swelled head. He then goes back to the old arrogant and obnoxious Mr. Perfect we all know and love to hate. He could beat Bret at Wrestlemania or not. It doesn’t really matter. Whatever would have happened we would still be talking about it today.
2. Shawn Michaels
One of the most disappointing facts about wrestling in the 1990s is that as good as Hart/Michaels were in the ring together, they grew to hate each other. So what if instead of waiting until these two were pulling each others’ hair out to put them in a match they had a series of matches when they had a much better working relationship? As you may recall these two tore the house down in the main event of the 1992 Survivor Series. In this alternate scenario that match could still happen when Michaels shocks the world by winning the 1993 Royal Rumble. He could even drop his WWF Intercontinental Championship earlier in the night to Marty Jannetty, which would put a little fuel behind Jannetty at a point when his personal demons hadn’t quite completely destroyed his career. Since, Michaels wasn’t ready for the belt in 1993 he would have to job to Bret at Wrestlemania, but that would be okay because Michaels wouldn’t have the leverage at the time to act like a total dick. Perhaps this could even be a trilogy with the two wrestling a third time at that year’s King of the Ring. If Shawn lost thrice then maybe we would all be a little more sympathetic to his role in the Montreal Screwjob.
1. Razor Ramon
As bad as the WWF got in the mid 1990s the company always had a few bright stars, who could keep you watching. Just about all these stars either got a run or runs with the WWF Championship or were consistently booked in the main event. One exception to this was Razor Ramon. His biggest chance came at the 1993 Royal Rumble when he lost in a title match to Bret. In this scenario he could still have that same match only it would end in a disqualification. Razor could hit Bret with the title belt and/or a chair and then just really lay into him until a bunch of referees and staff have to break it up. Ramon could then take out a late entrant into the Rumble and claim that wrestler’s spot as his own. Ramon goes onto win and a rematch is set for Hart/Razor at Wrestlemania. One problem. Ramon wasn’t technically in the Rumble since he took someone out. This could then lead Razor to play an anti-authority character similar to what “Stone Cold” Steve Austin would become four years later. After Ramon has to go through some challenges to keep his title shot for instance wrestling the wrestler he took out and the winner-up in one-on-one matches he would then face Bret. For thoroughness lets say Mr. Perfect and Randy Savage, respectively are used to fill those spots. Would he win at Wrestlemania? Well, let me just say at the end of the night he would have gold around his fingers, gold around his neck and gold around his waist, chico!
The 2012 edition of TNA Turning Point was comprised of eight matches, the vast majority of which were above 3 stars. Jeff Hardy and Austin Aries indeed brought their A Double game to the table and put on a ladder match that was a significant improvement from their previous contest at Bound for Glory. The James Storm/Bobby Roode/AJ Styles affair was capable of being a 5 star bout given that all three involved have been on a hot streak as of late. While the match didn’t deliver what it could have it still managed to be one of the best of the night. The two other standout matches were the superb opener of Samoa Joe/Magnus and Christopher Daniels and Kazarian taking on Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez. Speaking of hot streaks Daniels has been on a crazy one lately. Can we get this guy in the main event scene already? Anyway, here is a rundown of what happened.
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Samoa Joe (c) defeated Magnus to retain the TNA Television Championship in a no disqualification match
Prior to the first match Taz opened the show by bringing out Bully Ray and local Florida radio personality, Buckethead. Personally, I was disappointed that the latter didn’t come out wearing a KFC bucket and jam with Axl Rose. Instead Buckethead asked fans to text in order to donate $10 to the American Red Cross to help assist victims of Hurricane Sandy. After they left the real in-ring action began, but oddly enough not in the ring. The match starts outside with some brawling and Joe gets in some stiff shots before throwing Magnus into the squared circle. Magnus demonstrates what a no disqualification match is later on when he goes outside, grabs a chair and just launches it into Joe’s head while he is trying to go after the Englishman. Joe eventually gets back to the floor by flipping over the ropes onto Magnus. There is some more back and forth, but Magnus has been destined to submit. Joe emerges victorious with a rear naked choke.
Rating: 4 stars
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ODB and Eric Young defeated Tara and Jessie Godderz in a mixed tag team match
Before the bout ODB gives an interview and teases that she can’t find the long missing Eric Young. Young sneaks up behind her and he is back on a TNA pay-per-view for the first time in a longtime. Although with tons of comedy spots and the never pleasant bronco buster from ODB the match is decent. There is an awkward spot where ODB runs in and slams Young to get him closer to their corner so he can make the tag. Why she didn’t just drag him over is beyond me. Young gets the tag, pulls down his pants and delivers a Randy Savage elbow drop from off the top to win it.
Rating: 3.25 stars
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Rob Van Dam (c) defeated Joey Ryan to retain the TNA X Division Championship
The action nearly comes to a stop in this one. Joey Ryan appears eager to wrestle his heart out. Too bad he has RVD to do it with. Tons of showboating ruins this match as RVD takes extended poses after just about every one of his signature moves and some regular moves. Really, with RVD’s attitude you’d think him performing a dropkick to the face was as important as passing the Affordable Care Act. RVD wins it with a 5 star frogsplash only to get a carbon footprint from Matt Morgan while he is making his way to the back.
Rating: 2.5 stars
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DOC defeated Joseph Park
This match was full of stalling and a little brawling. DOC teased beating the crap out of Park throughout the match and at one point even attempted to bring in a hammer. However, before DOC could do to Park what he recently did to Sting, Park speared him. DOC still managed to beat Park for much of the match and eventually ended it with a chokeslam. DOC also tore Park up with a spiked belt somewhere in there, but this one is kind of tough to watch and not space out. Bully Ray comes in later to make the save before Aces & 8s can cause any real damage. On a side note Luke Gallows looks just like Horus Hogan with this gimmick.
Rating: 1.75 stars
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Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez (c) defeated Christopher Daniels and Kazarian to retain the TNA World Tag Team Championship
Arguably the match of the night this bout had some sweet high flying action and Hernandez mixed it up by bringing his power to the table. Chavo missed a frogsplash early on and his delivery of the move looked awkward as heck. Daniels and Kazarian then take control and simultaneously do the Gangnam Style dance. This is how to play a heel tag team, ladies and gentlemen. Hernandez is not content with simply being the power guy and jumps over the top ropes to hit Daniels and Kazarian with a double clothesline. This move is a sign of things to come as Hernandez lifts Daniels up in the doomsday device position later on and Chavo knocks him off with a crossbody to win.
Rating: 4.25 stars
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James Storm defeated AJ Styles and Bobby Roode to become the number one contender for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship in a three way match
The stipulation for this contest is that the winner gets to wrestle for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship while whoever is pinned cannot get a match for the title until Bound for Glory 2013. This match could have been a classic, but we’ll have to settle for just a good match. Poor us. Some nifty spots in this one including Storm and Roode nearly doing their Beer Money pose after teaming up to suplex Styles. However, the heel in Roode won’t let him do it as he tries to attack Storm only to be met with a stiff shot. This isn’t the last time that Storm beats Roode to the punch as Roode gets hit with back stabber while he is preparing a fisherman’s suplex. Storm executes his last call super kick on Styles and pins him for his chance at the tile. AJ looks defeated after the three count and later on refuses to say anything backstage when he is asked about his future.
Rating: 4 stars
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Kurt Angle defeated Devon
Some nice back and forth action in this fairly physical match. Devon heels it up by constantly bullying the ref throughout. Devon and his brother really have swapped gimmicks. Too bad Devon just isn’t as good at it. Anyway, what is good is Angles offense. Unfortunately for him it gets cut off when members of Aces & 8s come out and he gets distracted. Angle turns around and gets tackled by Devon. Devon cannot stay in control and in a flash he is caught in an ankle lock with a grapevine to boot! Devon taps!
Rating: 3.5 stars
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Jeff Hardy (c) defeated Austin Aries to retain the TNA World Heavyweight Championship in a ladder match
While Jeremy Borash is announcing Aries, Aries holds up a cloth banner featuring Jeff Hardy and spits on it before throwing it at the champ. Hardy stays cool, but there is a speedy demon pent up inside of him. He wants both belts, the conventional TNA belt and his custom one that are hanging just above the ladder. The action erupts early and Hardy attempts to make his way up the ladder only to get cut off by Aries who hits a variation of the Russian legsweep to knock his foe off the ladder. Later on Aries tries to trap Hardy on the outside by sticking him between a ladder and covering it with the ring steps. Aries slowly make his way up the ladder, but goes back down to check on Hardy. To his surprise Hardy is nowhere to be found, but when he looks backs in the ring Hardy is climbing the ladder. Aries pushes the ladder over and Hardy comes crashing down to the Earth violently. Hardy takes charge of the match and nearly grabs the title only for the belts to suddenly be raised higher. Hardy looks around and it is revealed that outside of the ring Aries has the controls to raise and lower the belts. Hardy goes after Aries before reaching under the ring to pull out an even taller ladder. The fight ends when the larger ladder falls down with Hardy and Aries on it. It lands on top of another ladder that had been set up horizontally in one of the corners of the ring. Hardy delivers the twist of fate on this ladder and Aries flies to the outside. Hardy then captures the belts.
WWE Money in the Bank (2012) had a huge drop off in quality from the previous year’s event. That is not to say it was a bad show because when you’re following up one of the greatest non-big four pay-per-views in WWE history it is kind of tough to stand up to the pressure. Anyway, CM Punk and Daniel Bryan had the match of the night though it wasn’t nearly as good as their past pay-per-view encounter thanks to the storyline and involvement of AJ Lee. Sometimes, when two great wrestlers are in a wrestling match then all they have to do is…you know wrestler. The opening ladder match was impressive and the second one that topped the card was even better. All of the other matches were filler except for the match for the World Heavyweight Championship, which saw Del Rio continue to feud with Sheamus in the feud that nobody asked for.
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Dolph Ziggler (with Vickie Guerrero) defeated Damien Sandow, Tyson Kidd, Christian, Santino Marella, Tensai (with Sakamoto), Cody Rhodes and Sin Cara in a Money in the Bank ladder match for a World Heavyweight Championship contract
Tensai assaults Kidd early on and the commentators talk about Kidd recently upsetting Tensai. Christian comes in and he and Kidd rule the ring until Christian turns on Kidd. The match goes on and emphasizes Christian and Kidd a second time when Kidd is laying on a ladder and Christian attempts a frog splash…but Kidd rolls out of the way. Ouch! Sandow is near the case at one point, but minutes later he is getting speared into a ladder by Christian. Sin Cara also takes a good spill off of the ladder when Tensai drives his head into some steel. There is also a fun comedy spot when Cody climbs the ladder and Vickie Guerrero comes up the other side to nag him off of it. Ziggler comes up from behind Rhodes and gets him off of it. Christian meets Ziggler on the ladder while Sandow and Kidd join them from other nearby ladders. Kidd powerbombs Ziggler off and the other two are soon out of the picture also. On the outside Tensai sets up a ladder horizontally and powerbombs Sin Cara onto it. Back inside Kidd, Cody and Christian take each other out as they try to climb including Christian spearing Cody off of a ladder. Christian gets back up and fights Santino off. However, just as Christian is about to grab the Money in the Bank briefcase, Ziggler sneaks up from behind and steals it.
Rating: 3.5 stars
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Sheamus (c) defeated Albert Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez) to retain the World Heavyweight Championship
Before the match, Sheamus gives a promo, Miz announces he will compete in the second Money in the Bank ladder match and Mick Foley reflects on his favorite WWE Monday Night Raw moment. However, the best segment before this match is a commercial for the 1989 classic, “No Holds Barred” starring Hulk Hogan. Normally, I don’t like commercials on my pay-per-views, but this is an exception! Anyway, on to the match! Del Rio attempts to dodge Sheamus early on, but Sheamus comes alive when Del Rio smacks him. Sheamus manages a clothesline from the top rope, but gets distracted by Ricardo allowing Del Rio to kick him off of the ring apron. Del Rio brings psychology to the match by targeting in on Sheamus’ arm. Del Rio cannot lock on the cross armbreaker though and Sheamus hits him with the Irish curse. Del Rio makes another mistake by trying to kick Sheamus in the back of the head and missing. This leads to Sheamus hitting him with the white noise and brogue kick for the victory. Del Rio and Ricardo jump Sheamus afterward and Ziggler comes out to collect. Del Rio argues with Ziggler when Sheamus wakes up to brogue kick Ziggler. Because Ziggler is out, but the bell never rang he still has his World Heavyweight Championship contract and Sheamus still has his title.
Rating: 3 stars
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Primo and Epico (with Rosa Mendes) defeated The Prime Time Players (with A.W.)
The current holders of the WWE Tag Team Championship, R-Truth and Kofi Kingston sit in on commentary for this match. A.W. provides his own commentary by wearing a headset mic. Primo and Epico take an early lead with Primo hitting a suicide dive and Epico nailing a plancha. Darren Young and Titus O’Neil take charge and get cocky as at one point A.W. even combs Young’s hair for him. Primo and Epico gain back their momentum after O’Neil gets distracted by having an impromptu dancing contest with Rosa. The match continues until the team from Puerto Rico win it with a roll up. The Prime Time Players confront the tag champs afterward and R-Truth throws water in A.W.’s face.
Rating: 2.75 stars
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CM Punk (c) defeated Daniel Bryan to retain the WWE Championship in a no disqualification match
AJ Lee is the special guest referee for this match. Punk throws Bryan out of the ring early on and the two trade chopfests on the guardrail. The chops don’t end there and the two are soon trading them inside the ring followed by trading kicks. The match is all over the place as Punk hits a suicide dive leading the participants to fight up and down the entrance way. AJ takes a bump off of the ring apron when Bryan pushes Punk into her. Bryan wallops Punk from behind while Punk is checking on AJ. Bryan then acts concerned for AJ before going back to attack Punk. Bryan hits a running knee from the ring apron to the floor and Punk is in trouble. Punk gets in some offense when they fight into the audience and Punk jumps off one part of the guardrail and clotheslines Bryan off of another. Bryan grabs a kendo stick, but Punk keeps ducking from Bryan’s strikes. Punk eventually takes a shot to the knee and another one to the ribs. Bryan becomes wild as he gives Punk multiple strikes to the back using the stick. Punk taps into his adrenaline and fires back by getting a two count and hitting his high knee. Punk tries the go to sleep twice, but Bryan escapes and kicks Punk in the head. Punk soon grabs the kendo stick and pays Bryan back for the shots from earlier. AJ comes out while the two are down on the mat. She brings in a chair and the two fight over it with Bryan winning. Bryan drills Punk, but cannot get the job done so he punishes Punk with some kicks. Punk clotheslines Bryan and pays him back again with some chair shots of his own. Punk tries to Irish whip Bryan into the chair, but AJ blocks it. Bryan kicks Punk into the chair, but AJ stops him from using the kendo stick. Punk slams his opponent on the chair, but misses the “Macho Man” Randy Savage elbow. Bryan tries to make Punk tap by using the Kendo stick, but Punk gets out of it. Punk slingshots Bryan into the turnbuckle and hits the go to sleep, but only gets two. Punk positions Bryan on the table so he can elbow drop him through it. However, Bryan gets up and attacks Punk on the ropes until Punk fights back and crotches Bryan. Punk performs a belly-to-back suplex through the table for the win.
Rating: 4.5 stars
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Ryback defeated Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks in a handicap match
The squash machine wins another squash match on a pay-per-view. Hawkins starts off against Ryback and bumps around plenty for him. Reks gets tagged in and actually gets in some offense. The two keep tagging in and out, but Ryback gets the match going in his favor by bodyslamming Hawkins and decimating Reks. Hawkins takes a sick bump to the floor and Ryback finishes Reks off with his shell shocked finisher.
Rating: 3 stars
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Layla, Kaitlyn and Tamina Snuka defeated Beth Phoenix, Natalya and Eve Torres
The crowd is pretty dead for this one until Layla gets tagged in and wakes them up by clotheslining Beth. However, Layla gets caught in a gorilla press slam position. This leads to chaos when all the competitors come in the ring and fight it out. In the end Layla manages to pin Beth.
Rating: 2 stars
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John Cena defeated Kane, Chris Jericho, The Big Show and The Miz in a Money in the Bank ladder match for a WWE Championship contract
Oddly enough Show is the first to do a neat ladder spot by throwing a ladder at Jericho to the floor while Show is standing in the ring. Show gets taken out early though when Cena gives him an attitude adjustment through an announce table and everyone buries him with ladders. Still, it is not over as The Big Show later comes back from the dead and rips apart a ladder as Jericho is climbing it. Show rules the match for a while and takes out a huge ladder from underneath the ring. Show climbs the ladder and Kane meets him at the top. Show punches Kane off and Cena comes up next, but gets headbutted off. Jericho attacks Show from behind with a chair and soon Jericho and Cena are climbing up each side of the ladder. Jericho crosses over the ladder and puts Cena in a sleeper hold while Miz tries to steal the match, but instead gets punched off of the ladder. Cena finally falls off of the ladder while Jericho stays on. Miz climbs up the ladder again, but him and Jericho get WMDs from Show as the giant climbs the ladder. Cena returns to the top and nails Show in the head with the briefcase. Cena unhooks it to win!
WWE No Way Out (2012) had a lot going against it before the show even started. John Cena taking on The Big Show for the umpteenth time was booked as the main event. Despite some possibly good matches the rest of the card was booked pretty thin. Alberto Del Rio was yanked out of the World Heavyweight Championship picture and Dolph Ziggler was put in his place. Regardless of what you think of Del Rio or Ziggler there is no denying that in the months leading up to this card Del Rio was built up much better. Ziggler on the other hand had received a push that was underwhelming to say the least. The match for the WWE Championship was much more promising and delivered. So let us take a look at WWE’s big day in June.
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Sheamus (c) defeated Dolph Ziggler (with Vickie Guerrero) to retain the World Heavyweight Championship
The early going of this match revisits Sheamus’ Wrestlemania 28 encounter with Ziggler getting a kiss from Vickie only to turn around for a brogue kick. Ziggler sees Sheamus preparing for it and ducks out of the ring. Sheamus roughs him up for a while, but Ziggler hits a sweet looking DDT. Now in control, Ziggler goes for a pin, but only manages a one count. Sheamus gets Ziggler in a fireman’s carry position, but Ziggler gets out of it for another DDT. Ziggler is putting on rest holds left and right making for a weary crowd. The match drudges on until Ziggler hits a zig zag. The crowd chants, “lets go Ziggler,” but Jerry Lawler swears the audience is chanting, “lets go Sheamus.” Ziggler hits a face buster from the ropes, but Sheamus continues to kick out. Sheamus gets in an Irish curse then it is just a matter of time before the brogue kick and the three count.
Rating: 2.5 stars
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Santino Marella defeated Ricardo Rodriguez in a tuxedo match
Santino actually held the WWE United States Championship during this bout which has to make it among the low points for places that this title appeared at. The two try to appeal to the audience to start off and Santino wins. Ricardo rips off some of Santino’s powder blue tux first. Santino responds in kind and manages to get off Ricardo’s jacket. Santino then holds up the jacket like a matador and Rodriguez attempts to strike. The fight drags on and “boring” chants break out. Santino reveals he is wearing a cobra sock while Rodriguez is stripping him. Santino hits Ricardo with it and wins revealing that Ricardo has on underpants featuring Alberto Del Rio’s face.
Rating: 0 stars
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Christian defeated Cody Rhodes to retain the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Well, they picked the right match to get things back on track. Cody starts by getting Christian in a headlock. After some punishment Christian gets in the power position with some shoulder blocks. The fight spills outside and Cody takes charge by throwing Christian back in the ring and working on his left elbow. Christian puts Cody’s legs around a ring post, but before he can do anything Cody pulls Christian into the post. Rhodes keeps working Christian’s arm, but when the action goes outside again Christian jumps on the ringside steps and DDTs Rhodes. Back inside Christian gets a top rope crossbody, but Rhodes rolls it over for two. Christian hits a top rope hurricanrana, but only gets two. Cody gets an Albama slam on Christian, but can’t manage to win. Christian hits the killswitch, but only gets two. Christian attempts the frog splash, but Cody puts his knees up. The match erupts into a series of misses and reversals until Christian hits a spear to pull out the victory.
Rating: 4 stars
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The Prime Time Players defeated Primo and Epico (with A.W. and Rosa Mendes), The Usos and Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel to become the number one contenders for the WWE Tag Team Championship
Titus O’Neil and Jay Uso start off and they soon tag in their partners leading to Darren Young getting some chops in The Usos’ corner. Things are pretty quiet until Justin Gabriel gets tagged in and The Prime Time Players mess him up. Young gets Gabriel in a chinlock and the match quiets down again. Gabriel rebounds slightly and The Prime Time Players exit to allow Primo and Epico in to double team Gabriel. Tyson Kidd finally gets tagged in and he hits an array of moves on Primo culminating in a blockbuster from the top rope. Primo gets things going for him after avoiding some Kidd offense. This doesn’t last long because Kidd hits a hurricanrana to the outside that takes out everyone as they brawl on the floor. Primo and Darren Young come back in and Young lifts Primo up a drives him into his knees. Young gets a three count while A.W. holds onto Epico’s leg as he tries to make the save. A.W. has betrayed his team and gone onto manage The Prime Time Players.
Rating: 3.25 stars
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Layla (c) defeated Beth Phoenix to retain the WWE Divas Championship
Before this match HHH laid out a challenge for Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. Getting back to the wrestling, Beth gets an early advantage by laying in some power moves and trash talking her opponent. Layla hits a dropkick and starts mocking Phoenix. Beth starts beating down Layla after hitting her off of the ring apron. Phoenix makes a mistake by putting Layla in a gorilla press slam position that Layla reverses into a DDT. Shortly after Layla hits a neckbreaker for the win.
Rating: 3 stars
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Sin Cara defeated Hunico (with Camacho)
The WWE continues to use the stupid lighting gimmick for Sin Cara’s singles matches. Hunico is dominant early on after scoring a dropkick. Hunico keeps Sin Cara grounded and puts him in three separate chinlocks. Hunico hits Sin Cara with a sitout powerbomb, but then Sin Cara starts building up momentum and hits a hurricanrana on Hunico after bouncing off of the ropes. Out of nowhere Sin Cara gets the three count.
Rating: 3 stars
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CM Punk defeated Kane and Daniel Bryan to retain the WWE Championship in a three way match
Throughout the night AJ Lee had backstage segments with all three competitors including making out with Kane. At one point Punk and Bryan slug it out with Bryan saying, “yes” and Punk saying, “no.” Punk wins the slugfest and Bryan exits the ring. Punk attempts a suicide dive, but Kane stops it. Soon, Kane and Bryan are outside the ring allowing Punk to hit a plancha on them. Kane attacks Punk after taking out Bryan with a right hand. After a while Kane is really taking apart Punk’s midsection, but makes a mistake when inside the ring Punk hits him with a big boot. Bryan comes out of nowhere with a flying dropkick on Punk. Bryan takes center stage and even hits a double dropkick from the top on both opponents simultaneously. Following this up, Bryan delivers a slew of kicks that the crowd chants along with. Eventually, Punk hits the “Macho Man” Randy Savage elbow on Bryan for two. Punk tries one on Kane, but misses. Bryan gets a diving headbutt on Punk. After a kick, Bryan then clamps on the yes lock, but Punk reverses it into a pin. Punk hits the go to sleep on Bryan, but Kane saves him. Kane goes for the chokeslam on Punk, but Punk reverses it into a DDT and hits a top rope elbow. Punk attempts the go to sleep on Kane, but it is too much weight and instead he gets a big boot and chokeslam. A little later AJ tries to run in, but Kane accidentally bumps her off of the ring apron. While Kane is distracted Punk wallops him with a kick to the head followed by a go to sleep for the win. Kane carries AJ out afterward as she looks fondly at Punk.
Rating: 4.25 stars
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Ryback defeated Dan Delaney and Rob Grymes
The jobber duo sing the classic Wrestlemania theme before Ryback comes in. It is a decent squash match. Ryback even goes to the ropes and falls down like a big tree on one opponent. Ryback says, “feed me three” before obliterating his victims. Matches like this work to cement Ryback’s status as the current squash machine of squash machines.
Rating: 3 stars
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John Cena defeated The Big Show in a steel cage match
If John Cena wins this one then Vince McMahon will fire John Laurinaitis, but if The Big Show wins then Johnny Ace will fire Cena. Show throws Cena into the cage to start. He tries to hit the WMD early on, but Cena ducks and Show smacks his fist against the cage. Show stays dominant, but The Big Show makes a big mistake when he tries to climb the cage and Cena crotches him on the ropes. Show comes back and delivers a Vader bomb. Big Van would be proud. The big guy is not done with his aerial moves and he walks to the middle of the top rope for an elbow…that misses! Show attempts to crawl out, but Cena catches him. Cena almost gets out after a shoulder block. Ace shuts the cage door, but McMahon opens it. Ace shoves McMahon and slams the door again. Cena turns around for a chokeslam. Show hits two WMDs, the first one on the ref then one on Cena. Show attempts an escape, but Brodus Clay is outside the cage door with a steel chair. Santino, Alex Riley, Zack Ryder and Kofi Kingston join Brodus. Show climbs (after somehow knocking Ryder out through the cage wall), but gets knocked off the top by Kofi. Cena then gives Show the attitude adjustment. Cena wins and Ace is out! Cena emphasizes it with an attitude adjustment through an announce table on Ace as McMahon delives his classic line, “you’re fired!”
In the dying days of the USWA the people in the company were throwing anything against the wall to see what would stick. Accordingly it was only a matter of time before they put the gimmicks of “Macho Man” Randy Savage, The Ultimate Warrior, Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan in a blender and gave it to someone. It is unfortunate that the guy chugging down the frothy mixture was this obese lug. Scratch that “unfortunate.” This gimmick would have been “unfortunate” no matter what. Instead this uncoordinated whale taking on the gimmick can best be called tragic.
The above clip starts out sadly enough with Randy Hales blabbering on until Bert Prentice (who probably would have been a more athletic Ric Hogan) tries to calm him. Hales will not simmer down and instead continues to rant saying that his wrestlers will win all of the USWA’s gold. The sad part? Hogan already held the USWA Heavyweight Championship.
Hales is really pushing for a USWA World Tag Team Championship win. So how is he going to earn this? Is Hogan going to regurgitate some of that cursed shake and split into “Warrior” Hogan and “Macho” Ric, the latter of which sounds like a regular at a circa 1982 bathhouse? Thankfully, the creative team in Memphis had a sliver of mercy and instead paired him with Crusher Bones.
Crusher Bones starts the match off by beating on T.D. Steel, who by this point in his USWA run probably would have preferred working in a steel mill. Hogan gets tagged in and thrown by Bones into Steel. That should have been the match right there.
A side note that is worth mentioning: throughout this entire bout the commentary team is trying to get over “The Colorado Kid” Mike Rapada, arguably the lamest NWA World Heavyweight Championship holder ever.
Back to the action Flash Flanagan finally comes in, but apparently doesn’t want the stink of the match on him and tags in Steel. It really says something when Slash Venom from TNA is embarrassed to be in a match. He tags back in Steel who receives a gelatinous legdrop from Hogan to end this mess. Now, the healing can begin.
Yet, there have also been matches that we would prefer to sweep under the rug and pretend they do not exist. Whether it is because of poor performers, bad gimmicks, illogical storylines or some mixture of all three, the card only surpassed by Wrestlemania in prestige has produced its share of crap. With that said here in chronological order are 6 SummerSlam Matches Worth Forgetting.
1. Ludvig Borga vs. Marty Jannetty (1993)
Despite his relatively uneventful run in the WWF that consisted of ending Tatanka’s undefeated streak and…well not much else, Tony Halme, the man who portrayed Ludvig Borga wasn’t all that bad an entertainer. Before he became Borga he packed an even more impressive amount of muscles even if he probably did shoot more juice in a week than appeared in an old school Ocean Spray commercial. Oh yeah and despite all those muscles he wasn’t exactly Shawn Michaels in the ring. Yet, he looked like he could demolish Shawn Michaels’ former tag partner Marty Jannetty and in fact here he does. Jannetty had a boatload of potential and in 1993 he still could have gone somewhere. However, matches like this where Borga completely squashed him and it was over in about five minutes made it clear that Jannetty was going nowhere. Even Iron Mike Sharpe must’ve been embarrassed for him after this one.
2. The Undertaker vs. The Undertaker (1994)
After being destroyed by Yokozuna and about 600 heels in a casket match at the 1994 Royal Rumble, The Undertaker went missing. The WWF needed someone to find him so they got Leslie Nielsen of The Naked Gun series to spend the summer tracking him down. No, seriously. Meanwhile, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase presented a man who claimed to be the real Undertaker despite it obviously being a noticeably shorter Brian Lee. Well, the two had to lock up at some point and the 1994 edition of SummerSlam was the occasion. True to The Undertaker gimmick the crowd was dead for this one. Although fans to this day talk about Brian Lee’s stint as The Underfaker (almost always in a negative way) no one shouted the name at him that night. Even Vince McMahon remarked on commentary, “You can hear the virtual silence of this capacitated crowd.” After that if you listen real closely you can hear Vince virtually void his bowels as he saw his “big money” feud draw no heat.
3. Diesel vs. King Mabel (1995)
As you can tell by this list so far the mid-1990s were a rough time for the WWF and the company reached its nadir in 1995. Still, the WWF King of the Ring tournament that year featured promising talent such as Shawn Michaels, Jeff Jarrett, The Undertaker and Razor Ramon. None of those guys made it to the semi-finals. Instead Mabel won the King of the Ring becoming King Mabel and promptly got a shot at the WWF Championship. With Diesel as the reigning champion this looked disastrous on paper. Say what you will about Diesel though, but at that point whether intentional or not he was trying his hardest every night…to put the company out of business. This match stank so bad that after interfering in it Lex Luger ran from it for a week straight until he reached WCW Headquarters. For the conclusion Diesel doesn’t even bother to powerbomb Mabel, which at least could have been a cool (if dangerous) spot. Well safety first, but he still could have done a halfway decent safer slam. That is too much for Big Daddy Cool though and instead the nine minute crapfest ends with Diesel hitting a lame clothesline off the second rope.
4. The Oddities vs. Kai En Tai (1998)
It was the Attitude Era and the WWF could do no wrong…wait something is wrong with that phrase. Right! Despite being perhaps the hottest period the WWF ever produced, 1998, a year that is often cherished as the best in wrestling still had plenty of garbage. With the war with WCW continuing, the WWF wanted a way to counter the WCW cruiserweight division. The problem was the WWF was never a place that put much importance on booking cruiserweights for extended periods of time. So they brought in talented guys like Taka Michinoku, Sho Funaki, Dick Togo and Men’s Teioh, paired them up with a stereotypical Japanese villain named Yamaguchi-san and promptly did nothing with them. Actually, scratch that. What I meant to say is it might have been better if they did nothing with them. Instead they threw them into some ridiculous things not the least of which was this three on four tag match with The Oddities. The Oddities was a good name for the team as it was odd that the WWF would allow them in a wrestling ring. Kurrgan and Giant Silva were both immobile. Golga, who was portrayed by John Tenta aka Earthquake was a skilled wrestler, but basically must have been told to no-sell almost everything in the match. Likewise, Luna Vachon was with them, but did next to nothing. Still, the terribleness would not be complete without the artists on the soundtrack to Hell, The Insane Clown Posse! At least that gave a little bit of comedy to what was intended to be a comedy match. The guys rush to the ring while rapping and sound more blown up at SummerSlam 1998 than The Ultimate Warrior looked at SummerSlam 1988.
5. HHH vs. Bill Goldberg vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton vs. Kevin Nash (2003)
Bill Goldberg’s run in the WWE is baffling even if you are of the belief that the WWE never gives old WCW guys a chance. Don’t get me wrong Bill Goldberg was no long term solution to the WWE’s downward slope, but the guy still had a fan base and if you believe in that elusive “It Factor” in wrestling then Goldberg certainly had “It.” The company could have at least gotten a strong year out of Goldberg as a headline player. Unlike the other matches up to this point on the list this bout actually had some decent ring work. The two right guys are picked to start this elimination chamber match with Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels going at it. Then comes in Randy Orton, but it is the Randy Orton before he gained about 75 percent of the skill that Orton wrestling fans love him for. Up next is the 1995 SummerSlam veteran, injured quadzilla himself, Kevin Nash. Thankfully, Nash does not last long and gets eliminated before the next competitor HHH enters. The final entrant Bill Goldberg plows through the remaining competition like a monster eliminating Randy Orton, Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho in no time. Then he meets up with old HHH who knocks him out with his trusty sledgehammer. After the match Ric Flair and Randy Orton enter and the three do what could best be described as non-sexually raping Goldberg in the chamber making him look like a joke. Of course Goldberg would get some comeuppance by briefly winning the World Heavyweight Championship before dropping it back to you guessed it…HHH.
6. CM Punk vs. John Cena (2011)
Don’t get me wrong technically this is not a bad match by any means. Similar to the elimination chamber battle that happened years earlier the WWE again just threw away a ton of potential for no real reason. Yet, first let’s address the in-ring action. Having arguably the best match in the WWE in at least ten years at the 2011 Money in the Bank the previous month, CM Punk and John Cena had a ton to live up to at one of the biggest shows of the year. What they delivered was a match about ten minutes shorter than their previous encounter that did not surpass it in any notable aspect. Perhaps the one shining spot this match had that the previous encounter did not was CM Punk dropping a big elbow drop off the top rope in a tribute to Randy Savage. The big problem though wasn’t that this big elbow was the best part of the match, but that the WWE’s hot summer angle all started to unravel here. After Punk pinned Cena despite Cena’s foot being on the ropes everyone’s favorite SummerSlam star Kevin Nash came to the ring and jackknife powerbombed Punk. This allowed Alberto Del Rio to cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase and pin Punk for the WWE Championship. All of this at least got fans excited for what would happen next…except what happened next took away just about everything that made that hot summer angle so interesting. Nothing good came of it. Punk didn’t care about Del Rio and was angry with Nash, Cena stayed in the title picture and HHH got a lot more screen time.
Well, here is a match that got my hopes up until they were quickly crushed like so many elbows in lengthy arm submission holds. Here is “Macho Man” Randy Savage in his prime in front of a red hot crowd in Puerto Rico. Hey look! Savage is taking on a guy who isn’t Huracan Castillo Sr. so the match might even last longer than a trip to the bathroom.
Unfortunately, Invader III, the fiendish Johnny Rivera throws out any chance of letting Savage shine by clamping on a rest hold (hoping to rest from what, I wish I knew) that would make WWC’s King Kong jealous. Fortunately, Savage fights and fights and finally gets out of the thing until…Rivera slaps on the exact same hold. Savage battles his way out once again and the two start brawling, but the ref rules a “doble descalificacion” before anything truly great happens.
I’m not 100 percent sure who is playing the White Knight here, but I’m thinking it is Pat Rose. After an Internet search I found three possible guys off the bat(man), but it might not be any of them. Dick Steinborn played the White Knight in the American southeast and did some work in WWC, but given that this bout took place in 1986 when Steinborn would have been retired I really doubt it was him. Similarly, Curtis Thompson (later Firebreaker Chip in WCW) worked in WWC and is no stranger to a mask, but he likely didn’t debut until after this match took place. Pat Rose worked for WWC and it very likely could be him, but the physique really doesn’t seem to match.
Regardless of who is under the white mask, the wrestler makes short work of Huracan Castillo Jr., who comes from a line of wrestlers not always known for their endurance (just ask his dad how he did in his match with Randy Savage). The encounter is short and sweet and though Castillo comes out on the short end he is not completely jobbed out. Both wrestlers get some good moves in before The White Knight hits a big elbow off the top. As you may have guessed it is the same move Savage obliterated the elder Castillo with.
