Tag Archives: USWA

Nov 19 2012
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Smooth Runs

MMA: Wrestling’s Distant Cousin 2

It can be a challenge to get into MMA if you’re a wrestling fan. There may be promos, but they are a world apart from those that open WWE Monday Night Raw every week. There may be fighting, but for some wrestling fans matches can often look like they’re filled with nothing, but rest holds. There may be swerves, but…wait a second. On second thought no. There are no swerves in MMA. At least not in the Vince Russo sense of the word. The biggest swerves in MMA for a wrestling fans is when they see a monster like Brock Lesnar go into the ring with Cain Velasquez and watch Lesnar get his ass handed to him.

Sadly, for us Russo fans there will never be an angle where Shane Carwin runs in on a match between Junior dos Santos and Frank Mir for the UFC Heavyweight Championship. Of course, if this run-in followed the Russo line of thinking Carwin would immediately get put in a Kimura lock by Mir resulting in old Frank becoming the new champion.  Likewise, Randy Couture is not going to prepare for a comeback only to get blindsided backstage minutes before his fight. Again, following the Russo train of thought the attacker would be revealed the following week as…Randy Couture.

But enough about Vince Russo! Instead let’s discuss an MMA fighter who makes transitioning from being a wrestling fan to a wrestling/MMA fan a lot easier, Tom Lawlor. The following clip shows just how much personality a member of the UFC roster can cram into a minute.

For wrestling fans, Lawlor should gain points just for impersonating former NWA World Heavyweight Champion, Dan Severn. Throw in him performing nearly as hilarious tributes to Apollo Creed, Steven Seagal and Olivia Newton John and you have a man who can kill with laughter as well as his fist. Speaking of which in addition to Lawlor’s awesome sense of humor he also has an awesome sense of…well how to beat the crap out of people. Just look at his MMA record according to the ever reliable Wikipedia.

Now before I bury the lede any further you probably know why I am writing about Tom Lawlor today. Especially if you come to this website regularly and you’re an MMA fan. For those who don’t know let’s just say Lawlor’s latest impersonation was shocking:

Who is The Shockmaster? I’m glad you asked. For those who didn’t watch WCW in the mid-1990s, man you avoided a lot of garbage. Not the least of which was Fred Ottman, the man who previously played Tugboat and Typhoon in the WWF debuting as The Shockmaster. If you watched the above clip then you have already more or less watched Ottman’s botch in that debut. I would post the original clip, but why not be proactive and find it on YouTube yourself (plus I need to avoid those copyright infringements).

So, why would Lawlor pay tribute to an obscure and awful wrestling angle? Is he a distant relative of Jerry Lawler that is just really bad at spelling? Did he then want to pay his respects to the masked men of the USWA? Why am I asking so many rhetorical questions? The answer to all these questions is:

1. Again, he has an awesome sense of humor.

2. No.

3. Doubtful.

4. I figured I haven’t used enough lately.

Expanding on the answer to that first question aside from what makes him laugh, Lawlor obviously has a love for the world of professional wrestling. Again, according to the ever reliable Wikipedia he even has a background in wrestling. Admittedly it is amateur wrestling, which about as different from professional wrestling as professional wrestling is from MMA, but hey look there goes the point I was trying to make.

Anyway, plain and simple Lawlor rules and deserves a nice rebound after losing to Francis Carmont at UFC 154.

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Sep 28 2012
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Wrestling Clips

Memphis Hodgepodge 2

Warning: If you couldn’t stomach the original Memphis Hodgepodge then don’t even try to get through this one.

Since, I received such a positive response from the first Memphis Hodgepodge I thought I’d follow it up with a sequel of sorts.

So without further rambling lets get into the first few clips: The ripoffs.

Can you guess who The Warrior is a ripoff of? Yes, it’s an imitation of The Ultimate Warrior taking on everyone’s favorite masked Memphis jobber, The Scorpion. Shame his promos weren’t as insane as Jim Hellwig’s verbal tirades. This clips shows a bland challenge to Tony Falk (and also features a photograph of the real Ultimate Warrior to promote the fake):

I have no idea who played him. Some say Jeff Gaylord, but he sounds nothing like him in that interview. However, I do know that he wasn’t the only one ripping off one of the Blade Runners.

In the above clip, The Hornet as portrayed by Ron Oates takes on Danny Shannon. While it looks like the fake Warrior guy put in the seven minutes needed to learn Warrior’s move set Oates on the other hand had a more complex one to learn so he didn’t even bother. I guess his real name is appropriate since he is the John Oates of USWA Blade Runner ripoffs.

Continuing…

Yes, Memphis was just as lazy as the producers of those mockbuster movies in coming up with original names. Anyway, here is the USWA’s undead squash monster of it’s squash machines in you guessed it, a squash match (featuring Nate the Rate and Chris Frazier!):

Memphis didn’t just have ridiculous singles competitors though. The clip below shows, PYT (short for Pretty Young Things) as managed by Christopher Love. The team consisted of Eric Fontane and Randy Rhodes. Randy was basically a clone of Dusty Rhodes, but without anywhere near the talent or charisma. Instead his wrestling ability more closely resembled that of your average gas station attendant.

In the match they destroy Rockin Randy (a non-Rhodes) and the owner of the biggest ass in Memphis (and I’m not talking about donkeys), Freezer Thompson. Unfortunately, there was a PYT tag team predating this power duo that consisted of WWE Hall of Famer Koko B. Ware and Norvell Austin. In the USWA’s defense I’d like to think they originally planned to debut the tag team under the name of another Michael Jackson single, but “The Girl is Mine” wasn’t as catchy for a tag team dressed in frilly outfits. The company did have some sliver of originality because after all they gave us, The Dragon Master:

Like so many horrible gimmick wrestlers he of course went on to have a run with the USWA Unified World Heavyweight Championship and feuded with Jerry Lawler. The true identity of The Dragon Master is still open for debate, but according to this thread from Kayfabe Memories it was probably some guy named Gary Rich.

With all these horrendous gimmicks it might come as some small comfort that at least Mark Freer was there to keep it gangsta.

Teaming with New Jack as The Homeboy, the white as snow Freer took on the menacing as moths team of The Scorpion and The Shadow. After maxing and relaxing with “Nuthin’ but a ‘G’ Thang” playing, Christopher Love (now known as Bert Prentice) interferes with USWA World Tag Team Championship holders, Rex King and Steve Doll, the pairing that was Simply Divine. After Prentice and Divine do some boogieing of their own, New Jack and The Homeboy run them off and they all lived happily ever after (well, except the audience).

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Sep 26 2012
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Wrestling Clips

Memphis Hodgepodge

The USWA was filled to the brim with crap, especially in the last few years before the company went out of business in 1997. The company produced enough clips to keep this blog going for at least a few years. To help speed up the process and get through some of the worst ones I thought I’d include a bunch here in one post.

First off, we have the USWA’s take on the Lord Humongous gimmick. The man under the mask is Randy Lewis and he is holding the USWA Texas Heavyweight Championship. Sad fact: The title actually has an incredibly rich history dating as far back as the 1930s and the championship still exists today as the NWA Texas Heavyweight Championship. The title had to have been near it’s nadir of prestige here. Especially dreadful in this bout is Humongous’ belly-to-back suplex from the ropes that he awkwardly delivers after fidgeting with his opponent. A more uplifting fact is about the jobber here, The Scorpion. After this bout he would lose the beer belly, drop the “The” in his name and take part in a highly successful franchise eventually hosting a cooking show.

No, this is not the host from The Daily Show, but rather some guy trying to make it big in the USWA by putting the word, “illustrious” in front of his name. This match shows that the USWA didn’t need incredibly over the top gimmick to present bad wrestling. Since the most interesting thing about “Illustrious” Jon Stewart is that he shares a name with the anchor of a comedy news show there is one mildly funny story involving that fact. According to this link that includes more information about Jon Stewart than you would ever want to know, a charter school in Ogden, Utah once booked him believing he was the other Jon Stewart. It actually got him some national attention so at least he got his 15 minutes due to his name because it would never happen due to his wrestling.

Pretty much the most awesomely bad, pre-debut promo ever (okay maybe TA-GAR still wins that). Some might call these guys Road Warrior ripoffs, but I like to think if the gimmick developed it would have been much more original. Brute even hints at it when he says people will say, “What the heck are these guys on?” Of course! The gimmick had to have been that manager, Ronnie Lott was a pusher that rounded up two steroid abusers. The twist was that he would give one (Screamer) uppers and the other (Brute) downers as evident by their speeches. Anyway, at least they shared the name of one of the better Nightmare on Elm Street movies.

Usually, I try not to include any severely clipped matches on this blog, but this one has so much garbage in so little time that I had to. You have The Cyberpunks, Downtown Bruno (Harvey Whippleman) as a ref, and T.D. Steel in a construction hat/dancing! The Cyberpunks was a gimmick that PG-13 (J.C. Ice and Wolfie D) used after they lost a loser leaves town match in Memphis. Jamie Dundee proved to be a master of disguise when he went from J.C. Ice to Cyberpunk Ice. At least Wolfie tried a little harder with Cyberpunk Fire (or did he?). On the other side of the ring was the aforementioned T.D. Steel (always good for a job), Tony Myers and Charlie Laird. Oh yeah as with many matches involving trash in the USWA, Brian Christopher was in this one too.

Before The Rock was distancing himself from them to become a top performer, The Nation of Domination was known as the WWF’s politically incorrect black militant group. At the same time they were stinking up the USWA in the company’s death year. After all what stable says, “black militant” better than one including J.C. Ice, Wolfie D and Spellbinder aka two white kids and some guy into magic (also white). Regardless they rallied around their man challenging Jerry Lawler for the  USWA Unified World Heavyweight Championship. The man in question was Shaquille Ali portrayed by Tracy Smothers. Yes, Tracy Smothers wrestled in (at least) two stables where the joke was that he was the wrong ethnicity.

This final match isn’t that bad. After all once you take away the silly gimmicks it is still Tracy Smothers wrestling Jerry Lawler. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the Kareem Olajuwon (Reggie B. Fine) promo that follows. Lastly, it is probably for the best that Ali didn’t walk away with the title here. As the clip shows PG-13 already held the USWA World Tag Team Championship. The USWA had enough problems without giving The Nation of Domination a push reminiscent of The Four Horsemen.

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Sep 21 2012
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Wrestling Lists

7 Wrestlers Who Shouldn’t Have Been the Marty Jannetty

Urban Dictionary defines “Marty Jannetty” as, “The member of a pair destined for lesser things. A reference to the 80′s and 90′s wrestling tag team The Rockers. Shawn Michaels went on to greatness, while Marty Jannetty faded into obscurity.” As this list demonstrates even before Shawn Michaels far surpassed the career of the ill-fated Midnight Rocker some teams have been able to make an incredible impression on the wrestling industry. Then for whatever reason the team breaks up and one member achieves success that either comes close to meeting the success of the team, matches it, or in some cases completely overshadows the pairing. Meanwhile, the other guy…well doesn’t.

That is not entirely true as hardcore Jannetty fans will stick up for one half of The New Rockers. They can point to his run with the WWF Intercontinental Championship or winning the WWF World Tag Team Championship with 1-2-3 Kid,a title that The Rockers technically never held. That is all well and good until you compare it to Shawn Michaels’ last WWE salary. With that said here are 7 Wrestlers Who Shouldn’t Have Been the Marty Jannetty.

1. Christian

For a time the WWF/WWE teased giving Edge and Christian serious singles pushes their entire careers. The difference is that Edge eventually got his at the main event level and Christian hasn’t yet and probably never will. It first looked like the WWF had some faith in Christian when he won the WWF Light Heavyweight Championship as soon as he debuted. Newer fans might actually understand why in hindsight this is so irrelevant even quicker than older fans. This is because they probably have no idea that that the WWE had a cruiserweight division at one point. As Christian’s career continued a big singles push was teased, but never fully realized. Christian won the WWF Intercontinental Championship and it was deactivated just over a year later (for a time). Christian won the ECW World Heavyweight Championship and had an amazing reign, but it too was deactivated. Finally, it looked like he might lead a major brand when he won the World Heavyweight Championship (only after Edge retired mind you). However, then Randy Orton came along. Edge on the other hand had fully realized runs with the WWE Championship and World Heavyweight Championship. Edge accomplished this despite nagging injuries that would require breaks from wrestling, limited his in-ring performance to at least some extent and finally cause an early retirement.

2. Dynamite Kid

If you think Davey Boy Smith was  the more talented member of The British Bulldogs then type, “Tiger Mask vs. Dynamite Kid” into YouTube and watch any of the matches featuring the two. Go ahead this article can wait. The only reason it is not more of shame that Dynamite got the Jannetty treatment is because it is tough to cheer for a guy who comes off as a gigantic ass even in his autobiography.

3. John Morrison

John Morrison is somewhat unique on this list in that he had a partner who was arguably more talented than him. His name was Joey Mercury. The guy that managed to not only overshadow him but to main event a freaking Wrestlemania, The Miz was just lucky to be on the roster when he was first paired with Morrison. To his credit The Miz has improved tremendously by putting in the effort, but he never should have caught up to Morrison’s spot let alone surpass him. Perhaps fortunately for fans The Miz’s main event push stopped and he fell to a more reasonable spot on the card. Perhaps unfortunately John Morrison isn’t even on the WWE roster these days.

4. Sean O’Haire

Sean O’Haire was half of two teams that captured the WCW World Tag Team Championship. While O’Haire is probably better remembered than Mark Jindrak he was featured less in WWE than Chuck Palumbo. The latter team is the one that got more exposure thanks to it being the one that the WWF brought over after the buyout of WCW. O’Haire’s failure is really puzzling because on the surface it looked like O’Haire had a ton to offer. He was about as agile as Jeff Hardy, but had a bigger build and better muscle tone. When Palumbo entered the company it didn’t look like he was an awful worker, but he was about as exciting as a bag of rocks. Guess who stuck around and who got sent to developmental? O’Haire returnd with a Devil’s advocate gimmick and cut amazing promos in the studio, but could not manage to recreate the charisma needed for these in front of a live crowd. While Palumbo would be no Shawn Michaels in the WWE, he lasted longer than O’Haire and even made a return from 2006 to 2008.

5. Scotty Riggs

The American Males were a far cry from being in the league of really just about any other team on this list. Still, as lame as The American Males name was and as horrendous as their entrance music sounded (which was highlighted by the team clapping overhead in rhythm with it) members Marcus Bagwell and Scotty Riggs were young. As their careers unfolded each proved that they had some talent. Marcus turned on his partner and joined the NWO to become Buff Bagwell. Now, a lot of what has always drawn me to wrestling is the cheese factor of it all. Bagwell was cheese to the max and at the time I enjoyed him for it. However, that was over a decade ago. Leaving cheese to age it is likely to grow more appealing and become like a fermented fine wine. Bagwell instead simply rotted and watching his promos today is almost unbearable. Riggs on the other hand had what could have been a really interesting character. After suffering an eye injuring from Raven he sought revenge. He tapped into a darker part of his personality than ever before only to be met with apathy by the WCW booking committee. Riggs would be able to explore his gritty character further in ECW, but in WCW the by far larger promotion he lost his feud with Raven, joined Raven’s Flock and was a minor flunky while Bagwell got tons of time onscreen.

6. Brian Christopher

While Too Cool got some of the best reactions in the company during their peak in 1999 and 2000, neither member of the core tag team of Brian Christopher aka Grand Master Sexay or Scott Taylor aka Scotty 2 Hotty went too far. Still, Taylor had a job with the WWF/WWE for over 15 years. Okay, not all of that was on the main roster, but still getting WWF/WWE money for that long including during a boom period couldn’t hurt. Christopher should have been able to get a similar reward. After all he had to endure the USWA in Memphis. This is a textbook example of a worker succeeding over another because of reliability more than anything else.

7. Paul London

Paul London got a slight push early on, but as has been mentioned the WWE just doesn’t care about cruiserweights. London then got paired up with Brian Kendrick in an amazing tag team that got very little mic time or mentions outside of their matches. Like all WWE tag teams they were eventually broken up. Kendrick got a minor push as The Brian Kendrick and London quickly got wished the best in his future endeavors. Post-WWE, Kendrick appeared in TNA while London went insane.

Photo Credits:

Photos 1-5, 8: onlineworldofwrestling.com

Photos 6-7: en.wikipedia.org

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Sep 17 2012
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Wrestling Clips

Did This Guy Eat Four of Wrestling’s Biggest Gimmicks?

In the dying days of the USWA the people in the company were throwing anything against the wall to see what would stick. Accordingly it was only a matter of time before they put the gimmicks of “Macho Man” Randy Savage, The Ultimate Warrior, Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan in a blender and gave it to someone. It is unfortunate that the guy chugging down the frothy mixture was this obese lug. Scratch that “unfortunate.” This gimmick would have been “unfortunate” no matter what. Instead this uncoordinated whale taking on the gimmick can best be called tragic.

The above clip starts out sadly enough with Randy Hales blabbering on until Bert Prentice (who probably would have been a more athletic Ric Hogan) tries to calm him. Hales will not simmer down and instead continues to rant saying that his wrestlers will win all of the USWA’s gold. The sad part? Hogan already held the USWA Heavyweight Championship.

Hales is really pushing for a USWA World Tag Team Championship win. So how is he going to earn this? Is Hogan going to regurgitate some of that cursed shake and split into “Warrior” Hogan and “Macho” Ric, the latter of which sounds like a regular at a circa 1982 bathhouse? Thankfully, the creative team in Memphis had a sliver of mercy and instead paired him with Crusher Bones.

Crusher Bones starts the match off by beating on T.D. Steel, who by this point in his USWA run probably would have preferred working in a steel mill. Hogan gets tagged in and thrown by Bones into Steel. That should have been the match right there.

A side note that is worth mentioning: throughout this entire bout the commentary team is trying to get over “The Colorado Kid” Mike Rapada, arguably the lamest NWA World Heavyweight Championship holder ever.

Back to the action Flash Flanagan finally comes in, but apparently doesn’t want the stink of the match on him and tags in Steel. It really says something when Slash Venom from TNA is embarrassed to be in a match. He tags back in Steel who receives a gelatinous legdrop from Hogan to end this mess. Now, the healing can begin.

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Sep 14 2012
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Wrestling Clips

Awful Meets Bad

If you ever wanted to see a match where there is garbage piled on garbage piled on garbage, but not spend a lot of time well then this one is for you! First, we have The Twilight Zone a tag team consisting of two masked guys named Nebula and Quasar. According to the ever reliable Wikipedia and Wrestlingdata.com’s entries here and here Nebula was portrayed by up and comer Brian Christopher and Quasar was portrayed by never was Tony Williams. Fortunately, Jerry Lawler’s son had just passed his eighteenth birthday because otherwise allowing him to have this gimmick would surely count as some form of child abuse. Next, we have Chris Champion (source: The Online World of Wrestling) playing Kowabunga, a horrendous ripoff of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Finally and perhaps most disturbing of all we have Ken Wayne holding the short-lived USWA Junior Heavyweight Championship *shudder*.

As could be expected Kowabunga was the one most aimed at the kiddy audience and came with some vignettes such as this one, Splinter ripoff included.

Luckily, the creative team in Memphis limited how much they wanted to torture their audience  with most of their bad gimmicks. Accordingly Nebula, Quasar and Kowabunga were wished into the cornfield a brief time later. It is a shame the team’s booking didn’t have some kind of Rod Serling type twist. Like, the only way Memphis bookers could torture their audience is if their audience willingly paid money to see their product live, watched it on Memphis TV or tracked it down years later on YouTube. Oh wait…

Bogus.

Photo Credit: en.wikipedia.org

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Sep 12 2012
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Wrestling Clips

Christmas Creature Invades USWA

As I’m sure you’d agree there is no better time to celebrate Christmas than mid-September. In that vein I give you one of the USWA’s most awesomely ridiculous gimmicks, Glenn Jacobs aka Kane dressing up like a Christmas tree to become, Christmas Creature. This squash machine tears right through Trey Keller, but really the entire atmosphere around this match is awesome. First, you have some guy who Bert Prentice probably correctly calls a town drunk that comes out dressed like Santa Claus (unfortunately, not Xanta Claus). Then you have Prentice berating him for being overweight despite Prentice looking like he consumed a town drunk or two in the back. Next, Brian Christopher comes out for little (no?) reason and laughs like a hyena. All this before the squash match even begins!

After the match more awesomeness occurs when Jerry Lawler makes reference to the WWF’s invasion of the USWA. He refers to his battle with Koko B. Ware by calling him just Koko Ware. Hey! Maybe if Koko B. Ware heard this and got on the ball he could have beaten P. Diddy to the punch! Yes, before Sean John came out we could have had Koko Wear! Lawler then says that he will take on Christmas Creature and rip his mask off to reveal someone from the WWF, which will somehow help stop the invasion. If only WCW ripped this off for their New World Order invasion the company might still be going!

In closing I hate to be a buzz kill, but sadly I have to post to this match after Jerry Lawler suffered a heart attack on WWE Monday Night Raw. If the King of Memphis makes a good enough recovery, but decides traveling on the road is too much for him hopefully WWE keeps him around as some kind of creative force.  As much as I like to poke fun at these old USWA clips I do find them incredibly entertaining and at times more enjoyable than the wrestling I see on television every week.

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Sep 09 2012
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Wrestling Clips

Jack Hammering through the USWA

The guy who came up with the name, “Jack Hammer” for a wrestler must hold a booking record for a gimmick named in four seconds. At least the quality of the name matches the quality of the wrestler! Yes, these were dark times in Memphis when a guy wearing a third rate imitation of Road Warriors’ gear could be booked as a major squash machine. Heck, this was 1995 when the actual Road Warriors weren’t even that popular! Speaking of waning popularity old Jack even makes an M.C. Hammer reference during the pre-match interview by asking, “What times is it?” Again, this is 1995.

As for the match itself it is a typical USWA squash with legendary jobber T.D. Steel doing his best to make Mr. Hammer look like a beast. Despite the efforts of such jobbers the suckitude of their would-be stars helped the company go out of business about two years later.

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Aug 15 2012
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Wrestling Clips

A Scrub Tag Team

As it turns out the non-Steve Williams’ Dr. Death was not the only USWA wrestler who decided to wrestle in scrubs. Accompanied by territory “legend” (and I use that term very loosely and those quotation marks very firmly) Boss Winters, The Goon Squad were the latest in a long line of wrestlers who gained super powers and instant credibility by putting on masks.

The match itself is brief with The Goon Squad making short work of resident jobbers Vin Jordan and T.D. Steel. Perhaps the two could have been legitimate squash machines if they were built more like machines and less like sink pipes. The bout is capped off with the bigger goon getting Steel in a bear hug and the smaller goon clotheslining Steel for the Hart Attack. Who knows maybe Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart are under those masks. Actually, Neidhart does know and I’m sure it wasn’t them.

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Aug 13 2012
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Wrestling Clips

Dr. Death Debuts

Wow! Everything about this clip is mildly amusing. First, Nurse Kratchett comes out and gives a promo that convinces the viewer that she must be a real nurse. Not because she is particularly convincing or anything, but her tired voice makes it sound like she just worked a 20 hour shift at the local hospital. Along with her is the debuting “star” Dr. Death. Yet, instead of getting the much beloved Steve Williams, little known Kenny Kendall is instead in full blown doctor gear with scrubs, mask and before the match he even puts on rubber gloves!

Across the ring from Dr. Death is Freezer Thompson. I can only guess that they called him Freezer Thompson because before his matches he was always digging ice cream sandwiches out of the freezer. The squash ends abruptly when Nurse Kratchett hits Freezer with a bedpan and produces a sound right out of a Three Stooges short.

 

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