How to Wash Your Crab

by Daniel Johnson

The Food Fighters Summer Slamtasia Promo

The folks at ISW just uploaded some quality content and first up is this promo by The Food Fighters for the company’s next big event. Holy copyright infringement, Batman! It’s Summer Slam…tasia. Anyway in the promo Pasquale let’s his opponents know they’re going to get cleaned come June 15. Speaking of clean, Pasquale then segues this into giving Bastian Snow a bath. Didn’t he learn anything from when Homer Simpson accidentally boiled his lobster Pinchy? Oh well, by the end of the ISW video Bastian Snow appears to be alright. I guess the secret is to use cool water.

On the topic of cool…

The Food Fighters vs. The Glaad Boys

Rarely, will you find a bout featuring a masked chef, a guy dressed like a crab and two gay stereotypes, but here you go. Prior to the action Pasquale has Snow charge at a white sheet he is holding. I guess he must have picked that up from Mr. El Matador himself, Tito Santana.

To open the bout Glaad Badd tweaks Pasquale’s nipples and he hates it. Then Badd does the same to his partner, Craigslist Homo and he likes it! This isn’t the most politically correct bout, but what fight where a commentator shouts, “he clawed his ass” is?

Other gems on commentary include:

*”They’re *expletive* him in stereo.”

*”Do crabs have penises?”

*”He butt rapes him into a shoulder block.”

*”Player Uno, would you think of less of me if I told you I was erect?”

*”Razor sharp dick to the hand.”

After The Glaad Boys work over Pasquale’s hand, Snow gets a hot tag and clotheslines everything in sight. When Craigslist Homo lands on top of Glaad Badd this leads to a “you got grabs” chant. The obvious comedy spot of the year is up next when Snow shoves a stick of pepperoni down Glaad Badd’s mouth and again he likes it! Rikki Baddcliff attempts a run-in for The Glaad Boys, but finds himself in an uncomfortable position as a “Human Centipede” chant breaks out.

Finally, Pasquale whips out some thumbtack sharp pasta and Snow slams Glaad Badd on top of it for the win.

Categories: Wrestling Clips

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