Bacon Condoms and the Octopus Hold

by Daniel Johnson

Sgt. Nelson vs. The Midnight Rocker 

Before I get into analyzing the above clip, which believe me is worthy of analyzing, I just wanted to say that I find a lot of crap on the Internet. Weird crap. Crap that has nothing to do with wrestling. Sometimes I get it sent to me and sometimes I stumble upon it myself.

For example, I was looking for a recipe involving bacon yesterday and no less than the Google search engine suggested this. That’s right, there are bacon condoms now!

So, let’s take a look at the product (or at least just the tip):

baconcondom

The condom is unrolled, but empty. Hopefully, this makes this post safe for work, but I guess it depends how tolerant your boss is of looking at tallywhacker shaped bacon on company time.

The linked article from AMERICAblog describes that they are proudly made in America, which is too bad. After all just imagine what a Canadian bacon condom would look like? I guess there isn’t a demand for it, given the lack of people with perfectly round, flat penises. Then again I can’t imagine many people have bacon shaped genitalia of any nationality so I can’t believe someone bought this crap.

Anyway, finally onto the clip and wrestling…

Hold on…

Someone bought this?

Repetition of the word crap?

Wrestling?

Yes, why of course this post has to be about RD Reynolds and his creation, Wrestlecrap! Reynolds and I are friends on Facebook (way better than being friends in real life) and he posted a link to this match yesterday. As RD himself wrote, “Oh boy, me as a babyface commentator. I. WAS. HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!”

So let’s look at what was so bad:

Along with RD (known only as The Real Deal in the clip) is The Live Wire and Dallas “Tornado” James. Reynolds manages a penis joke in the first minute during some Hair Club for Men banter, saying, “he is a member, you’re right.” Well, in case you thought this post hadn’t mentioned the sensitive regions of the male anatomy enough, there you go.

The bout is a pretty meat and potatoes match with nothing too flashy thrown in. Nelson opens the bout with a gutwrench suplex then goes after The Midnight Rocker’s arm. The commentators use some cliches and The Real Deal mentions the importance of young stars in wrestling. Nelson rakes Rocker’s eyes to get away from Rocker attacking his leg, completely forgetting he was previously working on Rocker’s arm before.

“Boy I am seeing some stuff out of Sgt. Nelson that I’ve never seen,” Deal says. Could a heel turn be in the works? Does anyone reading this care?

Aside from the in-ring competitors, the promotion in the clip, Pro Wrestling Intentional had some more well known talents. For instance, Ian Rotten and Mad Man Pondo get mentioned. Although a more appropriate name for the company would be Pro Wrestling Indianapolis, PWI TV has better production value than a lot of the independents out there today.

Nelson gets a submission with what the commentators call an “octopus hold.”

Overall the bout is not too sloppy and Rocker even gets some flippy stuff in there (for those who enjoy that). Likewise, Deal wasn’t quite as horrible as he claims to be. I’d probably take him over Mark Madden anyway.  Still, the clip is lacking one crucial ingredient…

Bacon condoms!

Photo Credit: AMERICAblog.com



Categories: Wrestling Clips

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 replies

Trackbacks

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